This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
