we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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