i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
True college students do jello shots in the library
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