i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
