he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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