May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
