The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
