Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
