During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
