he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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