My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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