STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
