soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
