You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
