She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
