I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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