So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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