Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
