Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
