Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My vagina is officially offended.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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