I am in a vortex of obligation.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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