Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
