Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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