Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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