with your own penis?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
