STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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