on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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