U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
