The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
