Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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