She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
