Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
