I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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