I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
