I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
