I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
