shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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