Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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