what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I touched a dick in church today
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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