i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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