He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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