My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
