so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
