I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
