After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
