Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We have so much sex to catch up on
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
