Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
