Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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