Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
