i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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