is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
