you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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