Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
