this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
