Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
well you can't waste a boner
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
