You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize