I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
