It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
