i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
