Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
