My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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