guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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