my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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