I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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