Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
