I molested 6 butterflies tonight
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
