Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
