He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
