I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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