Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
areolas are like halos for boobs.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
